Jitters of a common kind

116 days....3 months, 25 days from today....(I am not counting days, there's an web page that does it for you!). From one side of the wall to another...I wonder how I feel....

Thoughts from the unattached-not-really-thinking-of-marriage-side:

It was just last year when I had been fed up with all the silly updates of my friends and acquaintances getting married and having babies, people asking when would I be tying the knot, my mum wondering if at all!! and some well meaning friends telling me “boyesh chole jabey” ( you would not be young forever...a very crude translation, now I understand the phrase “lost in translation”)...And I would end up wondering where would my youth go? I would keep thinking about something a friend of mine had said long back....wouldn't it be great if you just date and then go back home, spend as much time as you need and return to the solace of your room!!! Awesome, wouldn't that be? I love being by myself, sharing my space doesn't seem very appealing to me yet what about the fact my youth might be running away and I might end up alone, old and with lots of cats (that's not too bad, but then there had been stories of old ladies dead in the apartment, eaten by cats, Ouch!!)...So there I was wondering what should be done....There was of course, some subtle hints from my “better” half, who was getting a bit restless waiting for me to take a turn for the “better” so to say....

I had considered all the options, living with one of my best friends, she would have her own room and her own space...and we could do what we like, yet could turn to each other for company in times of need, adopt cute babies someday......not too bad an option, maybe the cats would be intimidated  by two old ladies...but she doesn't like pets (which wasn't why things didn't work out!).....to maybe living on my own....travelling and working maybe....gradually, I started feeling a little out of place.....yet I still wasn't sure about making such a big commitment...I mean “marriage”....What was so terrible about the word and everything it entitled, well, living with a friend for life doesn't seem such a bad option but does it really end there? What about parents? It's strange how much like a teenager I still feel around anyone's parents, nothing against them, wonderful people but a bit too much at times, don't you think? So, I would end up with two sets of parents, and more of an adolescent as I am now...not too good....

“Possibilities are like cancer. The more [you] think about them, the more they multiply, and there's no way to stop them.”-Murakami

The Transition to the okay-lets-get-married-side:

I can't even remember when I changed my mind, it must have been gradual, and of course the realization that my “better” half is actually a better person than me (sad but true!)...and there was this sense of not fitting any where somehow between my married friends and my unhappy-with-boys friends....and the fact that solitude has a way of turning into loneliness, creeping on the senses insidiously....

Then one fine day, I took a deep breath and decided to take the leap....how do I feel now, no doubts, no regrets? Well, all I can say is the transition was rough, now I am more at peace but doubts and questions would remain, since...

“Life is so uncertain: you never know what could happen. One way to deal with that is to keep your pajamas washed.”- Murakami.

" We can be heroes just for one day..."

" It has always seemed strange to me. The things we admire in men, kindness and generosity, openness, honesty, understanding and feeling, are the concomitants of failure in our system. And those traits we detest, sharpness, greed, acquisitiveness, meanness, egotism, and self-interest, are the traits of success. And while men admire the quality of the first, they love the produce of the second. " - John Steinbeck

Who are the heroes and the anti-heroes in our system? And yes, in a society that thrives on parasitic abilities and self serving individuals, do we need heroes? Before delving into this dilemma, lets talk about superheroes, for fun, maybe? Of course, those of us geeky enough to like superheroes (I know I am!). For people who are in favour of Superman, I have go to admit, I never liked the dude much. I thought him rather silly and uptight....and that ridiculous underwear what's with that?!! But the last scene from the movie, "Kill Bill Vol. 2 ", changed my notion a bit and recently Henry Cavill (Oh my!) changed it quite a bit. Although, I still find him silly....Coming back to the point, in the last scene from the movie, Bill explains to the Bride (Uma Thurman), why he likes Superman the best...Every superhero, we know of, Spider man, Batman, the Hulk, etc., are not born to power...They acquire it, through family fortune and intellect in vast measure, as for Batman, radioactive exposure for the Hulk and spider bite from a genetically enhanced species, for Spider man ( Although that's a tricky and novel way of gene transfer, I must say, a bite indeed!!). Now we have Superman, who is an alien, Kal-El, and he is born to power. It's his alter ego, Clark Kent, whom he creates to hide his true identity, and not the other way round as for the rest....Spider man who is born Peter Parker, Batman, Bruce Wayne and The Hulk, Dr. Banner. As Uma Thurman says, "Aso. The Point emerges...".
Superman's alter ego Clark Kent, is his critique on the human race, he is selfish,weak and a coward ( lets use a better word, cautious, from now on?). Coming back to the "borrowed" words of John Steinbeck, is it really a critique on the human race? Or, is superman, a critique on society? It's in our genes to be self preserving and cautious...so what place does a hero hold in a system like ours? In the comic book store, maybe? But then why glorify the hero, why not the villain, the arch-enemy, who is more akin to us? Why the hero, indeed....is it an extension of our pleasure seeking ego? We like to think ourselves noble, honest, generous and whatever other uptight quantitative! So I say, John Steinbeck got it so right....Society needs its heroes (and the anti-heroes, but that would always be the subtext, wouldn't it?)