116 days....3 months, 25 days from today....(I am not counting
days, there's an web page that does it for you!). From one side of
the wall to another...I wonder how I feel....
Thoughts from the unattached-not-really-thinking-of-marriage-side:
It was just last year when I had been fed up with all the silly
updates of my friends and acquaintances getting married and having
babies, people asking when would I be tying the knot, my mum
wondering if at all!! and some well meaning friends telling me
“boyesh chole jabey” ( you would not be young forever...a very
crude translation, now I understand the phrase “lost in
translation”)...And I would end up wondering where would my youth
go? I would keep thinking about something a friend of mine had said
long back....wouldn't it be great if you just date and then go back
home, spend as much time as you need and return to the solace of your
room!!! Awesome, wouldn't that be? I love being by myself, sharing my
space doesn't seem very appealing to me yet what about the fact my
youth might be running away and I might end up alone, old and with
lots of cats (that's not too bad, but then there had been stories of
old ladies dead in the apartment, eaten by cats, Ouch!!)...So there I
was wondering what should be done....There was of course, some subtle
hints from my “better” half, who was getting a bit restless
waiting for me to take a turn for the “better” so to say....
I had considered all the options, living with one of my best friends,
she would have her own room and her own space...and we could do what
we like, yet could turn to each other for company in times of need,
adopt cute babies someday......not too bad an option, maybe the cats
would be intimidated by two old ladies...but she doesn't like pets
(which wasn't why things didn't work out!).....to maybe living on my
own....travelling and working maybe....gradually, I started feeling a
little out of place.....yet I still wasn't sure about making such a
big commitment...I mean “marriage”....What was so terrible about
the word and everything it entitled, well, living with a friend for
life doesn't seem such a bad option but does it really end there?
What about parents? It's strange how much like a teenager I still feel around
anyone's parents, nothing against them, wonderful people but a bit
too much at times, don't you think? So, I would end up with two sets
of parents, and more of an adolescent as I am now...not too
good....
“Possibilities are like cancer. The more [you] think about them,
the more they multiply, and there's no way to stop them.”-Murakami
The Transition to the okay-lets-get-married-side:
I can't even remember when I changed my mind, it must have been
gradual, and of course the realization that my “better” half is
actually a better person than me (sad but true!)...and there was this
sense of not fitting any where somehow between my married friends and
my unhappy-with-boys friends....and the fact that solitude has a way
of turning into loneliness, creeping on the senses insidiously....
Then one fine day, I took a deep breath and decided to take the
leap....how do I feel now, no doubts, no regrets? Well, all I can say
is the transition was rough, now I am more at peace but doubts and
questions would remain, since...
“Life is so uncertain: you never know what could happen. One way to deal with that is to keep your pajamas washed.”- Murakami.
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