Monday, December 9, 2013

"'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." - Lord Alfred Tennyson

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about something which had puzzled me for the most of my life, no make that, baffled me....Although, I had stopped thinking about it for quite a while but recently because of a channel which kept showing rom-coms (romantic comedies), the four lettered word has popped up in my head yet again. So, no brownie points for guessing what might I be talking about....its love, of course and love it is for the next few moments....
Lets start from the beginning then...the first vivid memory of love or something akin to it, was when I stayed up almost all night for a boy, sometime in the eleventh year of my existence. After midnight, when I just couldn't get myself to sleep, I realized, “Oh gosh! This must be love!” This great love of mine lasted for a week or so, after which I could sleep peacefully again...Then after many years of finding, losing and then finding, again, this great realization and all the conflicting emotions of pain, pleasure, agony, ecstasy, and everything profound and silly associated with it, the word itself somehow gradually blended in the background of the daily chaos of my adult life....I became (which I am less inclined to admit) a cynic and this wasn't because of losing one great big love or the so called “love of my life”, no, it was more like realizing the sad fact that nothing really lasts....For a while I was really mad at those people who made such films, wrote such books and poems which reeked of love, it seemed to me they were selling lies.
And then, again, I was hooked. Like an old bad habit, love got me again...this time because of a channel which was silly enough to play rom-coms all day....
The point was, as put very aptly by someone, “Love is a serious business practiced by fools”...its the feeling we love, and sometimes when people hurt us, they make us forget the good part of being in love, and we end up hating the wrong sort of people...so I decided to forgive them, people who made those movies, wrote those stories and poems, since true or not, they felt good....and to enjoy the feeling because it doesn't last.

"love is more thicker than forget
more thinner than recall
more seldom than a wave is wet
more frequent than to fail
it is most mad and moonly
and less it shall unbe
than all the sea which only
is deeper than the sea
love is less always than to win
less never than alive
less bigger than the least begin
less littler than forgive
it is most sane and sunly
and more it cannot die
than all the sky which only
is higher than the sky "

- E.E. Cummings




Friday, October 25, 2013

“It's just a number, baby”


“Time is the longest distance between two places.” 
― Tennessee Williams, The Glass Menagerie

Often while travelling in an auto, I would keep my eyes shut, (to avoid getting spooked by the reckless maneuvering, couldn't call that driving, could one? More like speed racing.) and then jolted by a sudden stop, I would open my eyes to a different place. Time is quite like that, years, decades pass us by and suddenly we realize, oh gosh was it that long ago? This sudden rush of realization never ceases to surprise me, even amaze me. I remember few years ago, when I had just turned the wrong side of twenty (funny terms, right or left would be more apt rather than right or wrong, wouldn't you say?), I would embarrassingly forget my age, what was it now, 22 or 23, oh wait 25? The mistake was genuine unlike what some people would like to believe, its just that the concept of age confuses me....it's like the auto ride behind closed eyes, I would feel the motion but not the distance. Now that I have stayed on the wrong side for quite a while, I can relate to being 25 or 26 or was it 28? And then there are birthdays ( which I love by the way, the whole deal with cakes and balloons!), I would often take a month or two to get used to the new number which would define me for the most part of the year ahead, so that I can avoid making an honest mistake of admitting to a number which defined me just a day before  the birthday, and wouldn't get reprimanded or scorned or just corrected which would, of course lead to a fresh bout of embarrassment! So what is it about age that is so terribly time consuming and obsessive? How much of a difference can a year make to this chronological number of my existence?
Before attempting to answer this “profound” question, I would like to talk about another equally confused and embarrassing take on time and the “ageing” associated with it....Recently I have realized people are as perplexed about my age as I am, which instead of being comforting can be strangely unsettling at times. I would recount this incident which had taken place a while ago as an example. I was travelling in a bus this time, and I was really bored, suddenly I noticed a very cute guy and he was looking in my way as well. We struck up a conversation and it was pleasant enough till we got around to talk about where he was heading. It was then I realized, he couldn't be much older than my little sister!!! I even mentioned that hoping he would prove me wrong, but oh no, he was a good six years younger!!! We were about to exchange phone numbers when this shocking revelation hit us, and he gave me his email id instead....oh well!
Another string of embarrassing incidents took place in Macau, China this year. I was asked to produce my pass port to the guard at the casino of the Venetian Macau, every time I tried to gain entry!! The age limit was 21!!! My friends commented it must be very flattering, is it really? Every time, we (my little sister and I) went to the casino, we were promptly thwarted and asked for age proof! Initially I blamed it on my sister, maybe sticking with her was confusing the guards, creating the illusion of youth....then I made the trip with my father, and yes I was stopped again...this time in his attempt to make things better (or worse), my father explained "She is 30!" and I was mortified. "I am 29!!" I retorted, but the moment was lost....so does it make a difference now, since I am moving on to the right side of thirty?! 
Right or not, time does move us, but where, I cannot say....maybe eventually, its the journey that matters not the distance or the destination.


“How did it get so late so soon? It's night before it's afternoon. December is here before it's June. My goodness how the time has flown. How did it get so late so soon?” 
― Dr. Seuss



Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Jitters of a common kind

116 days....3 months, 25 days from today....(I am not counting days, there's an web page that does it for you!). From one side of the wall to another...I wonder how I feel....

Thoughts from the unattached-not-really-thinking-of-marriage-side:
It was just last year when I had been fed up with all the silly updates of my friends and acquaintances getting married and having babies, people asking when would I be tying the knot, my mum wondering if at all!! and some well meaning friends telling me “boyesh chole jabey” ( you would not be young forever...a very crude translation, now I understand the phrase “lost in translation”)...And I would end up wondering where would my youth go? I would keep thinking about something a friend of mine had said long back....wouldn't it be great if you just date and then go back home, spend as much time as you need and return to the solace of your room!!! Awesome, wouldn't that be? I love being by myself, sharing my space doesn't seem very appealing to me yet what about the fact my youth might be running away and I might end up alone, old and with lots of cats (that's not too bad, but then there had been stories of old ladies dead in the apartment, eaten by cats, Ouch!!)...So there I was wondering what should be done....There was of course, some subtle hints from my “better” half, who was getting a bit restless waiting for me to take a turn for the “better” so to say....
I had considered all the options, living with one of my best friends, she would have her own room and her own space...and we could do what we like, yet could turn to each other for company in times of need, adopt cute babies someday......not too bad an option, maybe the cats would be intimidated  by two old ladies...but she doesn't like pets (which wasn't why things didn't work out!).....to maybe living on my own....travelling and working maybe....gradually, I started feeling a little out of place.....yet I still wasn't sure about making such a big commitment...I mean “marriage”....What was so terrible about the word and everything it entitled, well, living with a friend for life doesn't seem such a bad option but does it really end there? What about parents? It's strange how much like a teenager I still feel around anyone's parents, nothing against them, wonderful people but a bit too much at times, don't you think? So, I would end up with two sets of parents, and more of an adolescent as I am now...not too good....

Possibilities are like cancer. The more [you] think about them, the more they multiply, and there's no way to stop them.”-Murakami

The Transition to the okay-lets-get-married-side:
I can't even remember when I changed my mind, it must have been gradual, and of course the realization that my “better” half is actually a better person than me (sad but true!)...and there was this sense of not fitting any where somehow between my married friends and my unhappy-with-boys friends....and the fact that solitude has a way of turning into loneliness, creeping on the senses insidiously....
Then one fine day, I took a deep breath and decided to take the leap....how do I feel now, no doubts, no regrets? Well, all I can say is the transition was rough, now I am more at peace but doubts and questions would remain, since...

Life is so uncertain: you never know what could happen. One way to deal with that is to keep your pajamas washed.”- Murakami.






Friday, September 6, 2013

" We can be heroes just for one day..."

" It has always seemed strange to me. The things we admire in men, kindness and generosity, openness, honesty, understanding and feeling, are the concomitants of failure in our system. And those traits we detest, sharpness, greed, acquisitiveness, meanness, egotism, and self-interest, are the traits of success. And while men admire the quality of the first, they love the produce of the second. " - John Steinbeck

Who are the heroes and the anti-heroes in our system? And yes, in a society that thrives on parasitic abilities and self serving individuals, do we need heroes? Before delving into this dilemma, lets talk about superheroes, for fun, maybe? Of course, those of us geeky enough to like superheroes (I know I am!). For people who are in favour of Superman, I have go to admit, I never liked the dude much. I thought him rather silly and uptight....and that ridiculous underwear what's with that?!! But the last scene from the movie, "Kill Bill Vol. 2 ", changed my notion a bit and recently Henry Cavill (Oh my!) changed it quite a bit. Although, I still find him silly....Coming back to the point, in the last scene from the movie, Bill explains to the Bride (Uma Thurman), why he likes Superman the best...Every superhero, we know of, Spider man, Batman, the Hulk, etc., are not born to power...They acquire it, through family fortune and intellect in vast measure, as for Batman, radioactive exposure for the Hulk and spider bite from a genetically enhanced species, for Spider man ( Although that's a tricky and novel way of gene transfer, I must say, a bite indeed!!). Now we have Superman, who is an alien, Kal-El, and he is born to power. It's his alter ego, Clark Kent, whom he creates to hide his true identity, and not the other way round as for the rest....Spider man who is born Peter Parker, Batman, Bruce Wayne and The Hulk, Dr. Banner. As Uma Thurman says, "Aso. The Point emerges...".
Superman's alter ego Clark Kent, is his critique on the human race, he is selfish,weak and a coward ( lets use a better word, cautious, from now on?). Coming back to the "borrowed" words of John Steinbeck, is it really a critique on the human race? Or, is superman, a critique on society? It's in our genes to be self preserving and cautious...so what place does a hero hold in a system like ours? In the comic book store, maybe? But then why glorify the hero, why not the villain, the arch-enemy, who is more akin to us? Why the hero, indeed....is it an extension of our pleasure seeking ego? We like to think ourselves noble, honest, generous and whatever other uptight quantitative! So I say, John Steinbeck got it so right....Society needs its heroes (and the anti-heroes, but that would always be the subtext, wouldn't it?)


Wednesday, August 21, 2013

“To be or not to be”

Now I get it, why vampires, werewolves and super heroes are such a rage! Why wouldn't anyone trade this frail, mortality which includes eating (which is mostly good), crapping (need I say more?) puking (!!!) and other horrid stuffs (going to the dentist! Oh my god, the horror!) for an immortal existence excluding all this mostly for vampires and aliens like superman (or does he need to go through such stuffs as well?). Werewolves would need to use the loo like humans, but aren't they blessed with super speed so they could possibly rush through the disgusting stuff!! So what is beautiful about mortality and of course, I forgot, these creatures can avoid the most devastating part of this earthly existence, death. One can speak of boredom, I mean a point in favour of mortality could be that anything which is short may not be sweet but most likely be intense and exciting, a long drawn pause of an existence must be tedious or so we assume...so I suppose a person living forever would come to respect life and everything associated with it, less and less as time goes by, becoming more nonchalant and jaded (like the protagonist from the movie “Man from Earth”). While a mortal having a life span of seventy years maybe would try to make the best of his/her life, or so we assume (this is of course a general statement, some people become bored even when they are twenty, so !) ... But then a longer life would mean more time to enjoy life rather than to rush through it, so much more time to see, learn, the possibilities are endless, maybe travel all around the world, read every book, taste every wine....well the arguments could go on and on...I wonder for someone like me (an ordinary earthling), would I regret anything I couldn't do since I had run out of time on my death bed or maybe I would be too tired to care?


“Round and round we go, or is it up and down?
Oh but there's so much more, much more!
Everything passes they say,
Of course they would, they have lived most of what I haven't lived passed today.
Yet I dislike when they sympathize,
As if that could soothe, and help me get rid of this vice!
So up and down we go, or round about...

Till I am dizzy but there's more, so much more!”




Sunday, August 18, 2013

Que sara sara

The other day I was revisiting this film I had watched way back in school. The movie was called “Back to the Future-Part two”, not an extra-ordinary film, wasn't even better than the first part, but the vision of the future as envisioned by the director was mesmerizing...at least to me....flying cars, hover boards, jackets which automatically fit you and dry themselves as well....shoes which lace up by themselves...and the best of all, pizza which comes in a small pouch which can be re-hydrated to a normal size in some instrument akin to a microwave....the disappointing thing was the year, they showed it be to 2015 which is two years away from now...and I don't see anyone of these things happening that soon. Could such inventions take place in my life time? I sure hope so....as a child when I first saw the movie, I was so intrigued by such fantastic contraptions and they seemed to belong to a point in time quite far away, so quite possible in the distant future then, now when the future is not so distant anymore, I may have to face the disappointing truth, that cars don't fly as yet, neither jackets or shoes work by themselves nor (so disappointing!!!) are foods dehydrated in small, even tiny packets and then re-hydrated to their delicious proportions...well the only things that have been made possible are the overrated 3D movies (which is shown in the movie as well, the protagonist is terrified by a very real looking 3D shark from the “Jaws”)....This is as disappointing as finding that neutrinos don't actually travel faster than light (no time travel possible still!!!!).
I am not sure how to cheer myself up, here's hoping things might look up soon in the future....

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.”
-Doris Day

(PS. This is something I picked from my sister, she would always quote some song at the end of anything she would write, I think I like that...)



Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Written from the Hatter's point of view after Alice left for the real world...

Everything is fine....

Everything is fine and swell,
The beast was killed in an encounter too terrifying to tell...
Little folks flock around the table, eating from the 'unbirthday cake',
There is no other of a better make!
There are no leftovers, there is joy everywhere,
The moon is bright; there is a calm in the air.
A chatter fills the garden, the white rabbit tells a story,
The door mouse breaks in giving him much to worry!
The bloody red queen is long gone,
The pristine white queen had won.
A palpable cheer fills the air, there is joy everywhere.
But something was not quite right, there was something amiss...
Could it be the absence of a pretty young miss?
Alice who fought the beast with great courage and might,
She very much had retained her 'muchness' that night!
And there were so many riddles, 'How long is a moment?' 'How is a raven like a writing desk?'
Who could answer them if she is not there?

But there is joy everywhere....

Perplexed and more


'Cause here I go again
  Talking 'bout the rain
  And mulling over things that won't live past today
 And as I dance around the truth
 Time is not a friend
 This might be my last chance to tell him,


 So here I go again
 Wasting my time and breathe
 On things that that might never be fixed
 On everything that is jinxed....
                                                      "   







"At its best, life is completely unpredictable." -Christopher Walken

The word "unpredictable" takes away from the words "freedom" ( to some extent) and control ( to a greater extent).  Giving up variability, the element of surprise for the sake of control, which is the greater price to pay? In a movie ( a silly one at that), there's a council of people ( a government by a fancier name?), who decides from birth how a child born into that society would turn out. They breed children to be engineers, doctors, law and order officers, or normal hard working drones, etc. Therefore, these children are bred, are even genetically programmed to be what they are ought to be ( decided by these council heads). So they have no choice or option whatsoever to decide upon their way of life. This does eliminate the unnecessary chaos and competition, also gets rid of the bad eggs, so to say...but is brilliance born or bred that way? 

"It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right,
I hope you had the time of your life" - Green Day